All grown up..

6th graders in Korea are about 13 years old. From the start of the semester to now, I have watched my students grow out of their sweet adorable phase and officially enter the beginnings of being teenagers. I now catch my boys, who once loved me in a platonic fashion, talking to me while staring at two things that are not my eyes. Their compliments, which were once precious and innocent, now come in a flirtatious manner. No longer can I lean over their desks to help them with their work, and  I must now limit all and any body contact to high fives at the VERY MOST.

I didn't see it coming, everybody warned me, but I had this hope that they would stay innocent and adorable forever. I was in denial for a while, my coteacher would tell me how he can see the difference, but me.. no I didn't see it, in my eyes they still were my little ones. But it all changed in one day, with one incident.

I had handed out a worksheet to the class and my students were completing them at their desks. The worksheet I handed out had a few areas that I knew some of the students would need help with, so while giving the instructions I told the class if they needed help with anything they were to come to me at my desk. The students came up and one by one I helped them out. One of my boys came up and I began to explain what he was supposed to do. I went through the same explanation that I used with the other students to help clarify.As I was giving the explanation, I felt like he was looking at me, but not focusing on what I was saying. 

Me: "Do you understand?"

Him: .......

Me: "Do you understand?"

Him: "oh, no teacher."

I  noticed that while he was looking at me, he wasn't looking me in the eye but I couldn't figure out WHAT he was looking at. I checked my face in the computer's reflection thinking maybe I had something on it, nope. I looked back at him and he was still staring elsewhere, so I followed his gaze, which went straight down my straight down my shirt. This isn't the first time I had encountered this problem from men, but this was my student. My innocent, sweet, adorable student, not some adult pig thinking with the wrong head.

I clapped my hands in front of his face and tore him from whatever inappropriate thoughts that were going on in his mind. He immediately turned beet red, mumbled sorry and scurried back to his desk. I was just as embarrassed as he and put on a sweater even though it was 85 degrees (29C) and humid. And that is how I taught my next 5 classes, despite my boiling innards and being drenched with sweat.

This opened my eyes, I now see my boys in a different light. While I still love them and enjoy teaching them, they no longer are adorable or sweet. They now have joined ranks with the other teenage boys (and many grown men) and are predators with a one track mind.

#CHEERSTOTURTLENECKSANDTOPBUTTONS

Alone but NOT lonely

"Do you have a boyfriend?"  The most common question asked to me since moving to Korea. But what is worse than being asked that question frequently is the response I get when I say no.

Korea is the land of couples. Foreigners and Koreans alike. It is as if people move here an immediately seek out companionship and those that grow up here latch on to another as soon as they hit dating age. 

I find that Korea has somehow found away to devalue the glory of being single.  Unlike back home, people here (Koreans and non Koreans) express pity towards me when they find out I am single, often offering to set me up on dates or wanting to go out with me so they can help me meet somebody special. When did being single go out of style? At first, I was fine having the "I'm single" conversation but the unwanted pity, advice and questions prying into my personal life have begun to irritate me.

Responses from people when they find out I am single                           What respond with in my mind
"Oh, no boyfriend. so sad, are you lonely?"                                                -No I have this person who                                                                                                                                                      is always around, myself.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"                                                             -I think they ran out of my size

 "But you're pretty"                                                                                         -And that matters...how?


Something about living in Korea has given people the belief that being single is only being half of a person and that you NEED somebody to make you complete.

I am not against relationships or falling in love. My last relationship was great and I do not harbor any negative feelings even though it has ended. I am not that bitter person who hates love and anything of the sort because things didn't work out for me. In fact, I am in love. I love being single.

There is nothing negative about being single. Being single allows me the freedom to do what I want when I want to. I do not have to consider another's feelings or preferences in any of my decisions.  If I want to spend all of Sunday unshowered, in my pajamas, eating ice cream out of the carton or go out drinking and partying all night long, there is nothing stopping me. I can spend hours exercising, watching sports, reading books, lying in bed doing nothing with out worrying about sharing my free time with another. Being single has never once held me back, rather it has been beneficial. I often think, if I were in a relationship before I had come to Korea, would I still have made the move?

Being single also make it 100 percent okay for me to be selfish and think about MY wants, MY needs and MY desires. Once a person gets in a relationship you lose that, you begin putting the other before yourself. Your wants, your needs and your desires become THEIR wants, THEIR needs and THEIR desires. And at the age of 24, there is no way in hell I am ready to do that.

I get asked often if I ever get lonely. No, never. Not once. Not a single day of my life. Lonely? I LOVE being alone. I probably love it more than is healthy.  I never feel the need for companionship. If I want to do something and none of my friends want to go, then I will go alone. I have traveled the world, gone to concerts, movies, theme parks, sporting events, festivals and a variety of other things by myself and have never once felt lonely or any self pity.

I know there are those that are reading and thinking that something along the line of  "I don't know what I am missing," or "that when you find the one, nothing else is better" and yes, I believe that completely, but I am not ready to give up what I have now. If the day comes when Shemar Moore or Daniel Henney realize that I am the one for them, I will welcome it with open arms. But until then, I am going to continue on happily, alone BUT definitely not lonely.


#CHEERS2BEINGSINGLE