Meeting my match.

Somebody at my school hates me. I don't know who or what I did to them but they accomplished the sweetest revenge.

Fridays are known to be everybody's favorite day, everybody but me. I have come to loathe Fridays. I look forwards to Friday's arrival about as much as I look forward to having teeth pulled. I'd actually prefer to have my teeth pulled EVERY week than have to come into work on Fridays. Fridays are the closest thing to hell on earth for me. On Fridays I teach 2nd grade.

My first semester of teaching I only dealt with 5th and 6th graders. At the start of the new school year because we now have fewer 5th and 6th grade students I was given 2 back to back 2nd grade classes on Fridays. My first week with them wasn't a complete failure. I managed to teach them all at least one new English word, kept them entertained, alive but most importantly my sanity remained intact. Last week was the polar opposite.

My first class went well. The kids participated, they learned, they had fun but most importantly they behaved.

I was on a teacher's high after the first class. I managed to handle 30 2nd grade students who speak little to no English on my own. It was a feeling of triumph. I felt as if I were invincible and I could conquer ANYTHING. But then came my second class.

The kids filed into the classroom and began to take their seats. The two boys who I had already come to know as trouble makers, immediately began an MMA match over a seat. By the time I was able to navigate myself through all of the munchkins one of the boys had the other in a choke hold and refused to let go. After physically prying them apart I sat them both in the front of the class so I could keep an eye on them.

Because of the EXTREMELY low level of English that these students speak,  all of my lessons have many quick and simple activities that teach the students easy concepts. That particular day I was teaching the students animals names and the sounds that they make.

The first part of the class the students were supposed to look at photos of the different animals, hear the sounds that them make and imitate them. My first 2nd grade classes LOVED this, we barked, we mooed, we snorted and had a great time. My second 2nd grade class started off well, the first few animals all of the students participated in repeating the English name and making the animal sounds. But then came the horse. They horse was the beginning of my crash and burn.

I showed the class a photo of a horse, played the sound that horses make and then did a gallop for the students. The gallop was a bad idea. My gallop resembled the gallop that PSY does in the Gangnam Style dance and the students quickly picked up on this.

"WHOAAAAAA Kala Teacher GANGNAM STYLE!"

Me galloping apparently translated into me allowing one of the trouble makers to get out of his seat and gallop around the classroom.  It was cute, the first time. I was able to get him to return to his seat and I continued my lesson. The next animal was a dog. We chanted dog, we barked like dogs and we were getting ready to move on to the next animal but the other trouble maker decided that he wasn't finished with dog yet. He climbed on top of his chair and barked. and barked. and kept barking. High pitched barks, low pitched barks, long barks and short barks. This student mimicked them all. His classmates found him absolutely hilarious which just egged him to continue barking more and more. It took a while but I finally was able to coax him to take a seat. As soon as I turned my back to take my place back at the head of my classroom to resume my lesson I heard another bark. I turned around and the same student was sitting looking at at me trying to stifle his laughter. I gave him "the look" and continued my way back to the front of my classroom but before I could even take 2 steps, he barked again. This time when I turned around he was standing up and he continued to bark. The other students began to laugh. I told him to stop but instead he got louder. And the rest of the students began to laugh louder. I repeated myself and he got even louder. I was beginning to lose my patience. I finally sternly told  to sit down and he did. But rather sit in his chair, he instead got on all fours on the floor began to wag his "tail" and continue to bark like a dog at me.

This set the class off. It was as if there was a competition, who would be the student that makes Kala Teacher lose it. My previous galloping student got up and began to gallop around the classroom again. The other boys began to pretend that they we different types of animals as well. The usually sweet and innocent girls were either laughing hysterically at the "animals" or fighting to keep the "animals" away from them. It was a zoo and just kept escalating. Kids began to climb on desks, throw chairs, fight, do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that your ARE NOT supposed to do in a classroom.

I began to lose it and start hollering at the students which did NOTHING. I don't know what I expected, they don't even speak English why would they respond? I ended up dragging the two trouble making boys into the teacher's office and begging my Co-Teacher to call their homeroom teacher to get the monsters away from me. I had completely lost it.I couldn't handle it. I had finally met my match.

The homeroom teacher arrived quickly, I pointed her to the back office where the two boys were  sitting and focused on getting the rest of the class in order. A couple of minutes later she exited my office with the boys, told her class to line up and walked up to me with an apologetic look on her face and hugged me.

After her and her students left, I calmly walked to the bathroom, locked myself in the last stall and began to cry. My cry progressed into me balling out my eyes complete with me sobbing. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't control myself. For 30 minutes I sat there, wallowed in self pity, drown myself in tears and cursed the day those things were born.  By the time I could finally pull myself together enough to exit the bathroom my face was swollen from crying  and I had missed lunch.

I got back to my office to find that my Co-Teachers were genuinely concerned. One had brought me some pumpkin up from the lunch room and the other hovered around repeatedly asking me if I were okay. I deeply appreciated the gestures but I felt ridiculous. I let 8 year old children make me cry harder than I have ever cried in my life. No death, no ex-boyfriend, no injury, nothing had ever caused me to cry as hard as I had cried.

As I sit here finishing up my Monday I have developed a new appreciation for my 6th graders. Never again will I complain about their occasional smart mouths or laziness. Never again will I feel sorry for myself in having to deal with them going through puberty and developing attitudes. I now shall welcome all of that with open arms because at least they will never bark at me.


#CHEERS2FINDINGADOCTORWHOWILLTIEMYTUBESNOW

Special thanks to Toni, Dee, Sariska and my Sister for all being there for me at my most desperate time of need.

English names

School is officially back in session. Today marks the beginning of the new school year. My angelic 5th graders have now become my demon 6th graders and I have a new batch of wide eyed, easily impressed and absolutely adorable 5th graders who make me think for 40 minutes that I actually might want children.


This year I am now teaching my 6th grade classes with Mc. Dreamy, my young and extremely attractive office mate who to my benefit sits at the desk right across from me. (NOT only is he dreamy he is also an amazing teacher/disciplinary). Mc. Dreamy came up with the idea to allow the students to choose English names.

When I explained to the children that they could pick their own English names I expected them to take a few minutes to get into the activity, I was wrong. As soon as I finished the sentence "Today I want you to pick your own English names." One student's hand shot in the air. If this were me 6 weeks ago, I would have gracefully skipped calling on this particular student, but 6 weeks makes you forget.

Me: "Yes?"
Student: "Call me ZOMBIE!"

I had passed around a paper for the kids to write their new names besides their Korean ones after my beloved Zombie announced his new name the students began to fight over the paper. Actually, the boys began to fight over the paper. It was as if he opened the flood gates for their imaginations. I had to pass out a second sheet just for the girls because they refused to partake in that madness. I sat on my desk answering spelling questions that were being thrown my way, helping some students choose respectable names, denying inappropriate requests from others but mainly avoiding getting myself caught up in the middle of the insanity. After 15 minutes I called order.

Boys: "insert Korean phrase for more time here"
Me: "Say it in English."
Token boy who speaks English (later named Captain Korea): "Can we have more time please Kala Teacher?"

I am a sucker for English, especially when it is polite, so I easily gave in and gave them 10 minutes longer.

I collected the attendance sheets and quickly scanned them over realizing that like so many other English teachers before me,  I had made the mistake of letting the students choose WHATEVER name they would like. But here I was, I couldn't go back on my word.

The girls names were mainly normal. Most of them asked for my help and are currently named after people I know, my high school basketball teammates, my old coworkers and of course Beyonce, Madonna and Hilary (Clinton). The few girls that strayed on the wild side chose names such as, Hello Kitty, Tom and Queen Coffee.

Joe was a popular name among my students and I had to have a Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to see who would get to claim it in 4 of my 5 classes. I didn't understand why out of ALL names in the English language they would choose Joe. I dated a Joe (his English name) who also was an ESL student (learned English as his second language) and never asked but I always wondered why he didn't choose to be Michael, Sean even Joseph, something that was more than just plain ol' Joe. So I asked my students why.

Me: "Why do you all like Joe?"
Joe (the Rock, Paper, Scissors champ): "Because I can spell it."

I don't know what I expected the answer to be but I now completely understand why Joe is popular among the ESL crowd.

After I eliminated all of the duplicate names I began role call. I was going to hold a typical role call where the teacher reads the name and the student raises their hand but I didn't have faith in myself not to laugh hysterically after seeing some of the names I would have had to read. So instead I had the students go around the class and stand up and introduce themselves with their new names. I wasn't sure if I thought that this would make it easier for me to keep myself together, but it didn't.

The students in this particular class were extremely animated when introducing themselves, in character if they were named after somebody particular or loud if they were extremely proud of their invented name.

The first three boys stood up together and stated their names,


Student1: "I am Monday."
Student2: "I am Tuesday."
Student3: "I am Friday!"

I understood Friday, who doesn't like Fridays? But Monday and Tuesday...weird kids.

Student: "I am Sorry."
Me: "Why? What did you do? You don't have a name?"
Student: "MY NAME IS SORRY."

Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Sorry......

Student: "I am SOJU!"
Me: "No."
Student:  "I am WHISKEY."
Me: "No again."
Student:"I am CIGARETTE"
Me: "No, you are Candy"

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry and Candy (who is a male)....


One table of boys decided to go with an Avengers theme, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk and Spiderman. I told him Spiderman wasn't an Avenger but according to him I "don't know anything cool." I decided not to argue but I do plan on showing the Avengers midway through the semester to prove Spiderman wrong.

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry, Candy, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk and Spiderman.....

One of my girls decided to be Sugar Lips. I couldn't figure out an appropriate way to tell her why she shouldn't want to be called that name so I just let her keep it. I am sure I am the only person who speaks English well enough at my school to understand the potential inappropriateness of it anyways.

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry, Candy, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk, Spiderman and Sugar Lips..... 

But having a 12 year old Korean boy slam his hands on the desk, stand up and proudly state "My name (dramatic pause) is Ba-raCk Insane Obam-A (He meant Barack Hussein Obama) was the icing on the cake to my already hilarious day.

So in this particular class I now have Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry, Candy, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk, Spiderman, Sugar Lips and Barack Hussein Obama.

With in all of my classes it just so happens every single one of the guys names that I have dated was selected, I just happen to unintentionally included their names on my list of example name the kids could use. Coincidentally my 3 most favorite girls are named Toni, Dianne and Krystle (the names of my three best friends). I have one boy named Potter and his best friend is named Harry. Edward, Bella and Jacob are all in the same class. Kobe Bryant and Lebron James are deskmates and they sit across from Hurricane and BadBear.

My students names range from Sally to Larva, John to Flower Fairy, needless to say this is going to be an entertaining school year.


#CHEERS2CREATIVITY

(I stand corrected. According to my nerdy neighbor Spiderman IS an Avenger in the comic books)

Boracay

My 10 days in Boracay feel surreal now as I am sitting at my desk back in Korea. As I begin to write I can only hope that I am able to capture and explain adequately the marvelous and life changing experience that I had while I was there.

I arrived on the island midday well rested and ready to begin my adventure. I briefly stopped at my hotel to drop off my luggage and then set out. I walked the length of the beach and was in compete awe. Here I was for 10 days in a literal paradise. It was the perfect mixture of old and new, local and tourist. A little over my first hour on the island I met a group of locals who I ended up spending much of my vacation with.

I first approached their shop purely out of curiosity. They were selling jewelery that had crocodile teeth, dried bird heads, monkey skulls ext. for pendants. It was a sight to see. Although strange, the jewelery was BEAUTIFUL. Out of the shop walked a girl with the most beautiful henna tattoo on here leg, immediately I decided that I wanted one. I approached the artist and asked him  how much it would cost for me to get one, 500 pesos. Naturally me being stubborn, I bargained the price down to 200 pesos and a beer.

My henna tattoo turned out gorgeous. He freestyled a tribal design that started on my shoulder and crept down to my bicep. But my 200 pesos and beer bought me more than just a temporary tattoo, it also left me with a new outlook on life.

Carpe Diem, Pura Vida, Don't Worry Be happy, Life Goes On are just a few of the many different quotes and sayings that people try to live by. For me, I have always lived by two words, "Why not?" On a school trip in Europe, why not ditch the group and do my own thing? My first college was planning on cutting down a historical tree, why not join the hippies and tie myself to it? Why not take a spontaneous trip up the coast of California the day before Mother's Day and STILL manage to make it back home before the annual brunch?  Close friend is living in Spain, why not on a whim go visit for a week? Why not dance like I am possessed by the DJ?  Fall in love with a guy who is moving permanently to Thailand, why not move there as well?  Things don't work out, why not pick up and move to Korea instead? Why not jump off of a 15 meter cliff? The list of why nots goes on for me. I do not let fear or doubts stop me. Why not do whatever I want? It is my one and only life I see no reason to set limitations.

The locals in Boracay have their own view on life, The Simple Life. When this first came up in conversation I couldn't wrap my mind around it entirely. I am a big city girl who comes from a world that is defined by wealth, education and status. A world where people are constantly trying to get ahead or fighting to keep up. A world where material objects, who you know, where you live and what you do all are major players in people's lives. A world where everyday I stress on trying to figure how I will become not only a competitor but winner in.

 The Simple Life hosts an entirely different concept. There isn't any hierarchical status based on wealth or education. There isn't any competition between the people to get ahead or stay ahead of one another. You are not defined by what or how much you have but rather what kind of person you are.The main objective? To be happy. And there they were, just happy with what they had. They didn't strive to be rich or to have the nicest things, all they needed was enough to survive. They were the richest people I had ever met.

Everyday I spent with them opened my eyes up a bit more. When we would eat, they would pay (as much as I would allow), not because they had more money than me (they did not) but because they could. They did for me, a stranger...somebody they had just met, simply because they could.They didn't need any other reason, they could do it so they didn't see why they shouldn't. If somebody came around their shop looking to get a tattoo but wanted to compare artists, they would tell them who else they should see. There was not any competition to keep the customer or profits to themselves, helping others prosper was more important. If somebody wanted to take photos with their products they let them with no animosity, even if it was obvious the people had no intention to buy. They felt it more important to give the people a good memento of their time in Boracay than to fuss over a purchase.  It was here I learned  the true definition of selflessness and it was here I learned the true definition of happiness.

I was a happy person before Boracay but after spending time there I rethought my reasons for happiness. The locals in Boracay were happy for reasons that could not be stripped from them by others. They were alive, breathing, had each other and enough to get by. These things were the reason for their happiness, things that were not materialistic and things that ultimately really matter in life. Was I happy for those reasons too? Or was my happiness because I am well paid, have a nice apartment and am able to afford finer things? I do not think there is anything wrong with being happy for these reasons but if I lost them, would I still be able to be happy? Or had I allowed myself to rely completely on these?

I could never be sure of my reasons for happiness before but I have embodied the concepts of this Simple Life. I now solely happy because I am able, able to live, able to breathe, able to love, able to give, able to receive and able to do. I now realize the importance of appreciating what is important and I owe it all to my new friends, you have opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. Thank you John Art, Nonoy, Ronnie and the rest of Mari Tattoo for showing me the real meaning of life, Mahal Kita.



#CHEERS2REALREASONSTOBEHAPPY



if anybody goes to Boracay visit my friends at Mari Tattoo!