School Lunches, Slurping and Permission to Taint Society *unedited

Winter vacation officially ends Friday and the students are back in school for the closing ceremonies starting next Monday so today a vast majority of the teachers were back in school preparing for the next two weeks. It was also the first day I had seen another soul in the school besides the security guard. I wish somebody had warned me.

For the past two weeks because I have been alone on campus and just sitting at my desk for 8 hours, I took that as an okay for me to dress comfortably. Comfortably = sweatpants, spandex pants, t-shirts, sweatshirts, pretty much anything that could be considered gym attire. Today I assumed that once again I would be alone in my office, surfing the web, watching Korean dramas, Facebook chatting anybody possible and doing other mindless tasks to help pass the time, so I wore what I would later wear to the gym, black spandex pants and a black under armor long sleeve. Both of which look as if the are PAINTED on my body.

I get to school and begin my routine of web surfing and nonsense when there is a knock at my office door. In walks in one of my coworkers, Mr. Nice Guy. I was very surprised to see him but grateful that I had somebody to chit chat with for a while to help pass the time. He informed me that today the teachers and Principals would be eating lunch together and I was to join. I did not think anything of it at the time and when noon came around, I joined the staff in the short walk to the restaurant.

I arrive at the place first with Mr. Nice Guy. He is the sole coworker who was confident enough in his English to speak to me, let alone sit with me. We take a seat (on the floor) in the middle of 1 of 3 tables. As the rest of the other teachers file in they all sit eventually leaving us alone at our table. I wasn't surprised or offended, being stuck sitting next to me probably sucks as much as it does when I am stuck seated between people who do not speak English. Last to walk in was the Principal, Vice Principal and two other male staff members. They all took seats at my table.

The restaurant has the floor heating on so I quickly get to the point where my coat was making me uncomfortably warm. I get up, take off my coat and hang it on the coat rack. As I am making my way back to my seat I then realize what I was wearing but it was too late, I could feel the eyes on me. If my coworkers didn't know I was blessed with a chest and plenty of butt, they do now. I sat down and attempted to avoid making eye contact with the men at my table, hoping that nobody would say anything. Of course that didn't happen.

Mr. Nice Guy: "You go to the gym?"
Me: "Yes, everyday"
*he translates to everybody else*
MaleS (in unison) : "AHHHHHHH"


I sit there with the worst posture I could manage, my shoulders are thrown as far forward as they could possible go in an attempt to push my boobs back. Until till today, my school attire has always been body minimizing. Of course I can't hide all of what I got, but I have been able to tone it down quite a bit. The food arrives and the men go around teaching me the names of the different side dishes and what I should eat what with ( they made a sincere effort to include me in the conversation the entire meal). The main dish is a beef soup. Everybody begins to eat.

All staff members: "SLURP, SLURP, SLURPPPPPP."
Me:

Slurping is a common practice in Korea. I have heard it enhances the flavor of soups. I have also heard when people slurp it means what they are eating is delicious. I do not slurp. I wasn't allowed to slurp growing up, I was raised on very strict Western table manners. No slurping, no chewing with my mouth open, no smacking, no slouching. You name it, my Mom enforced it. My first few months in Korea were especially hard when I ate out. I was irked by the mannerism, it was something I wasn't used to. Now I am not bothered at all. I am used to the slurping and smacking, they no longer bother me, I just continue on eating in silence. Today my silence drew unwanted attention my way.

Principal: "You don't like?"
Me: "I love it, it is very good."

I continue to eat, quietly.

Mr. Nice Guy: "Do you want something different?"
Me: "No I like this."

I continue to eat and realize that they are all watching me with worried looks on their faces. The soup really was good and I did really like it, but I don't think they believed me. The looks were making me uncomfortable. The normal conversation came to a halt, I was being eyed from every corner and I was getting nervous. Remembering all of the things I learned about slurping told me to do it. But I wasn't sure how, I was afraid I'd slurp too hard and choke or slurp too softly and have it dribble down my chin. Eventually the silence and the looks got under my skin so tried to slurp. My first attempt did nothing, I didn't even make a noise. So I tried again this time sucking a bit harder.

It was quiet but I had did it, I slurped.

I only did it to see if it would make them stop worrying about me and it did. Once I did it, they seemed to relax, so I did it again and again, eventually perfecting my slurp. Soon after they stopped the looks and the normal conversation picked up. Slurping, didn't enhance the flavor of my soup but it did apparently communicate that my soup was delicious.

Towards the end of the meal the men started to speak about me in Korean. I knew they were talking about me because I could pick out a few words they were saying and they were openly looking at me as they spoke. I sat there waiting for the translation, hoping there would be one. Finally there was a break in the conversation and I was served a very nice compliment.

Mr. Nice Guy: "We think you will find a husband very very quickly. You have wonderful face, you good teacher, very very kind and good S-line(S-Line means I am curvy). Remember, Korean men are good men so find Korean man. Please invite us to your wedding party."

I was a tad uncomfortable hearing from my bosses that I had a nice body but I was extremely flattered they felt me good enough to find and marry a good Korean man and taint the "pure" Korean society.


#CHEERS2SLURPINGANDTAINTING

Cold Weather.

 Warning this is a rant from a girl who has "I grew up in Paradise" problems.

Let me start this off by saying I was born and raised in Paradise aka. San Diego, CA.

When I first was deciding on where I wanted to be located in Korea I requested a city that had a temperate climate and my recruiter (I am sure laughed at me also)  informed me that just does not exist in Korea. For the first time in my life I am experiencing these things called seasons.

Back home, we think we have seasons. Summer hovers around 80 and 90 degrees and then drops to 50 (if it is really cold) but on average it is mid 60s in the Winter. Even so, at home we all bitch and complain about the weather, "it's soo hot today" or "it's too cold." For San Diegans it's always too something, anything that is not within 5 degrees of 80 is too something.  People laugh and joke about how we are sissys when it comes to weather well it is TRUE! It isn't our fault we live (in my case liveD) in Paradise.

Right now it is October and about 60 degrees on average daily here in Korea which apparently is "nothing" as everybody keeps telling me as they laugh at how cold I claim to already be. The coldest month, so I have heard, is January. That is 3 months away...I have no idea what to expect, but I am terrified.

Everyone around me has been extremely nice. I am constantly being given advice on how to prepare and live through the winter. Some people honestly worry about me and other find my ignorance amusing, all still providing me with survival tips. But even with all of this winter advice, friends and family, I do not think I am going to survive.

Back home when the temperature drops too low for our liking  we bust out our trendy scarves, boots, coats and call ourselves "bundling up." My San Diego "winter coat" is lined with Leopard print silk. I may not be an expert on extreme temperatures but I do not think silk is on the list for best cold weather material. I own beenies and scarves, all of them quite fashionable and can spruce up any look but here scarves and beenies are not a fashion statement, they are a means to survival. The days of dressing up my shorts with a cute beenie or a scarf are over. Now I will wrap my neck like a burrito to fend off the piercing wind and top it with my Michelin Man Coat (I did get a very cute color so all fashion is not lost). And yes, it is complete with the fur. 


(Fact: Korea is the most fashionable country in the world and without a doubt I am sure that Koreans find and do succeed in being fashionable during the winter and I am just a big sissy from San Diego who likes to complain)


Speaking to people from colder parts of the world I am constantly hearing that they couldn't imagine not having a cold Christmas. They like being able to cozy up by the fire and ...? So far that is the only reason I have heard from people who actually desire a cold Christmas. The fire is fine and dandy but what about after Christmas? It is still cold, Christmas is over, you have to go back to work, you can no longer cozy up by your fire, so now what do you have? Nothing but cold weather. Those of you who can't imagine anything BUT a cold Christmas just haven't experienced a warm one. It is amazing, we may not have a fire but I don't think that can be considered missing much.Winter sports? We have them AND we wear sleeve-less tops while doing them. Beat that.

Luckily, I have been given a slew of advice from cold weather veterans that I am going to include in case anybody else is as clueless as I am.

1. Layer, Layer, Layer. Buy: Long underwear, a "proper" winter coat, thick gloves, thick scarves and warm socks.
2. Keep your chest, wrists and neck warm.
3. Set your timer for your heating
4. Blow dry your hair before going outside
5. Layer, Layer, Layer (this is the most popular piece of advice I have been given)
6. Get from point A to point B as quickly as possible
7. Buy a personal space heater or have a cuddle buddy. *Preferable a Jacob vs Edward (Twilight reference).
8. Blow warm air under your covers with a blow dryer before getting in bed
9. Take warm coffee in a mug to work
10. Stay inside.

So, in my preparation to survive and taking from all of the advice I have received I figured I MUST do 3 things.

1. I must lose inches but gain body fat. Why must I lose inches? Well all this talk of wearing long underwear under my pants isn't going to happen unless I do so. The only thing fitting in my pants is myself.  I can barely put them on when I have lotion on and somehow I am supposed to put an EXTRA layer of cloth under? Not happening. Why must I fatten up? Fat is suppose to keep you warm, bears fatten up before winter, animals that live in the North Pole have very high body fat, larger people tend to get warmer quicker ext... well at a whopping 19percent body fat (thank you Korean food I am incredibly fit) my fat (or lack there of) won't be keeping me warm. Joke is on me, for once being fit is working against me.
2. I must give up my social life outside of my apartment walls.  One reason, heated flooring. Why should I leave the warmth of my floors for the outside world? The farthest I see myself traveling is next door, sorry neighbor you're stuck with me all winter.
3. I must find and download many seasons of many shows because I will be racking up my viewing hours. (Suggestions are welcome)

There is a positive to me experiencing my first winter, I finally get to put my Roca Wear puffy jacket circa 90's and early 00's rap music videos to use :). It even becomes a vest!

#CHEERS2SURVIVING.

**Despite what it sounds like, I very much love Korea and yes I have exaggerated a lot in this blog.