Being picked up by a 6th grader....

Today in class I heard the greatest pick up line ever. Too bad the person who used it on me is a CHILD (and my student) because it might of worked if he were 10 years older.

Student: "Teacher are you a gay?"
Me: "No"
Student: "Then why do you wear that?" (I wear a rainbow bracelet)
Me: "Because I like it."
Student: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: "No"
Student: "Why?"
Me: "Because I haven't met the right guy."
Student: "But you meet me."

 I love my 6th graders.

#CHEERS2MYSTUDENTSMAKINGMYEVERYDAYS

English names

School is officially back in session. Today marks the beginning of the new school year. My angelic 5th graders have now become my demon 6th graders and I have a new batch of wide eyed, easily impressed and absolutely adorable 5th graders who make me think for 40 minutes that I actually might want children.


This year I am now teaching my 6th grade classes with Mc. Dreamy, my young and extremely attractive office mate who to my benefit sits at the desk right across from me. (NOT only is he dreamy he is also an amazing teacher/disciplinary). Mc. Dreamy came up with the idea to allow the students to choose English names.

When I explained to the children that they could pick their own English names I expected them to take a few minutes to get into the activity, I was wrong. As soon as I finished the sentence "Today I want you to pick your own English names." One student's hand shot in the air. If this were me 6 weeks ago, I would have gracefully skipped calling on this particular student, but 6 weeks makes you forget.

Me: "Yes?"
Student: "Call me ZOMBIE!"

I had passed around a paper for the kids to write their new names besides their Korean ones after my beloved Zombie announced his new name the students began to fight over the paper. Actually, the boys began to fight over the paper. It was as if he opened the flood gates for their imaginations. I had to pass out a second sheet just for the girls because they refused to partake in that madness. I sat on my desk answering spelling questions that were being thrown my way, helping some students choose respectable names, denying inappropriate requests from others but mainly avoiding getting myself caught up in the middle of the insanity. After 15 minutes I called order.

Boys: "insert Korean phrase for more time here"
Me: "Say it in English."
Token boy who speaks English (later named Captain Korea): "Can we have more time please Kala Teacher?"

I am a sucker for English, especially when it is polite, so I easily gave in and gave them 10 minutes longer.

I collected the attendance sheets and quickly scanned them over realizing that like so many other English teachers before me,  I had made the mistake of letting the students choose WHATEVER name they would like. But here I was, I couldn't go back on my word.

The girls names were mainly normal. Most of them asked for my help and are currently named after people I know, my high school basketball teammates, my old coworkers and of course Beyonce, Madonna and Hilary (Clinton). The few girls that strayed on the wild side chose names such as, Hello Kitty, Tom and Queen Coffee.

Joe was a popular name among my students and I had to have a Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to see who would get to claim it in 4 of my 5 classes. I didn't understand why out of ALL names in the English language they would choose Joe. I dated a Joe (his English name) who also was an ESL student (learned English as his second language) and never asked but I always wondered why he didn't choose to be Michael, Sean even Joseph, something that was more than just plain ol' Joe. So I asked my students why.

Me: "Why do you all like Joe?"
Joe (the Rock, Paper, Scissors champ): "Because I can spell it."

I don't know what I expected the answer to be but I now completely understand why Joe is popular among the ESL crowd.

After I eliminated all of the duplicate names I began role call. I was going to hold a typical role call where the teacher reads the name and the student raises their hand but I didn't have faith in myself not to laugh hysterically after seeing some of the names I would have had to read. So instead I had the students go around the class and stand up and introduce themselves with their new names. I wasn't sure if I thought that this would make it easier for me to keep myself together, but it didn't.

The students in this particular class were extremely animated when introducing themselves, in character if they were named after somebody particular or loud if they were extremely proud of their invented name.

The first three boys stood up together and stated their names,


Student1: "I am Monday."
Student2: "I am Tuesday."
Student3: "I am Friday!"

I understood Friday, who doesn't like Fridays? But Monday and Tuesday...weird kids.

Student: "I am Sorry."
Me: "Why? What did you do? You don't have a name?"
Student: "MY NAME IS SORRY."

Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Sorry......

Student: "I am SOJU!"
Me: "No."
Student:  "I am WHISKEY."
Me: "No again."
Student:"I am CIGARETTE"
Me: "No, you are Candy"

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry and Candy (who is a male)....


One table of boys decided to go with an Avengers theme, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk and Spiderman. I told him Spiderman wasn't an Avenger but according to him I "don't know anything cool." I decided not to argue but I do plan on showing the Avengers midway through the semester to prove Spiderman wrong.

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry, Candy, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk and Spiderman.....

One of my girls decided to be Sugar Lips. I couldn't figure out an appropriate way to tell her why she shouldn't want to be called that name so I just let her keep it. I am sure I am the only person who speaks English well enough at my school to understand the potential inappropriateness of it anyways.

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry, Candy, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk, Spiderman and Sugar Lips..... 

But having a 12 year old Korean boy slam his hands on the desk, stand up and proudly state "My name (dramatic pause) is Ba-raCk Insane Obam-A (He meant Barack Hussein Obama) was the icing on the cake to my already hilarious day.

So in this particular class I now have Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sorry, Candy, Loki, Captain Korea, Hulk, Spiderman, Sugar Lips and Barack Hussein Obama.

With in all of my classes it just so happens every single one of the guys names that I have dated was selected, I just happen to unintentionally included their names on my list of example name the kids could use. Coincidentally my 3 most favorite girls are named Toni, Dianne and Krystle (the names of my three best friends). I have one boy named Potter and his best friend is named Harry. Edward, Bella and Jacob are all in the same class. Kobe Bryant and Lebron James are deskmates and they sit across from Hurricane and BadBear.

My students names range from Sally to Larva, John to Flower Fairy, needless to say this is going to be an entertaining school year.


#CHEERS2CREATIVITY

(I stand corrected. According to my nerdy neighbor Spiderman IS an Avenger in the comic books)

Bucket List

Before winter vacation I completed the textbook with my classes. Now that school is back in session and I have 2 weeks left in the semester I am able to teach whatever I want, granted it is in and deals with English somehow. Today I thought that teaching my students a popular English idiom along with a few activities would not only be easy but also fun for the students.

The idiom that I selected was "kick the bucket." To introduce the topic I started the class with 2 videos, the first was a video of a person literally just kicking a bucket and the second was a video with Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny using the term in context of its not-literal meaning (to die). I asked the students what happened in the first video and what they thought Elmer Fudd meant when he sang "Bugs Bunny kicked the bucket" in the second video. I went over the definition of the term and examples of how it could be used, giving the students example sentences. I then showed them a 3rd video clip. This was a clip of the movie The Bucket List. I showed this clip as an introduction to the day's activity, creating our own bucket list.

Before allowing the students to create their own bucket lists I surveyed the  class on different things that they might want to do before they kicked the bucket.  I asked them  to raise their hands if they would like to do the activity I showed on the screen. Some of the activities that I included were; get married, have kids, visit California, climb a tall mountain, be on TV and go to University. I did this to give the students some examples of different types of things that can go on bucket lists and to hopefully help them come up with their own ideas. After the class survey I allowed them to make their own.

I knew the lesson would be enjoyable to the students but I underestimated how much fun they would actually have. While they were creating their lists I was bouncing around the classroom from student to student being questioned on spelling and phrasing of different things that they wanted to put on their lists. EVERYBODY wanted my help, I have never felt so popular and useful in my life.  Both of my classes continued to work on their lists even when the period ended. Some of the lists were typical, some were boring (in my opinion) and then there were the lists that were GENIUS. Here are some highlights

Kala Teacher's Classroom's Bucket List common answers

- to visit America (top answer, I've apparently left a good impression on my students)
- to become a successful businessman
- to be a millionaire
- to be an Olympic athlete
- to be a teacher like Kala Teacher
- to go to Russia
- to see Big Bang (this is a KPop group)
- to meet Big Bang
- to get Big Bang's signatures
- to marry Big Bang
(her entire list dealt with Big Bang)
- to travel around the world
- to travel to space
- to visit Japan
- to be a pilot (an many other different professions)

The BEST and funniest answers from Kala Teacher's Classroom's Bucket Lists

- to never get married, ever.
- to buy a person and make them my slave
- to marry myself
- to wrestle a crocodile
- to eat that crocodile
- to build a rocket and blow up my sisters room
- to marry Kala Teacher
- to go to Las Vegas
- to be immortal
- to live in (Korean video game name here) world and kill (friend's name here)
- to fly like a bird and shoot lasers from my talons
- to have a wife who can cook and clean and make handsome babies
- to have many ladies

and the NUMBER 1 answer

- to make it sprinkle

After laughing uncontrollably I taught him the correct phrase,  "make it rain." 
(for all you older readers out there, to " make it rain" means to throw money in the air so it rains down over people)

As the I am coming down to the end of my first semester in Korea as a teacher, I am realizing how much I have enjoyed my students. Even through the countless times I have been ready to strangle them they really have added and continue to add to the wonderful experience I am having in here. While I am SOOOOO READY for my vacation get-a-way, returning to work won't be difficult at all. As my mom and somebody near and dear to my heart have told me, love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.


#CHEERS2MYSTUDENTS


Kala Teacher's Bucket List

1-visit all of the World's continents
2- learn how to juggle
3- run a race in a foreign country
4- skydive, bungee jump and hang glide
5-swim in all the oceans
6-learn 3 languages (conversational level) 2 down :) 1 to go
7- do the splits, both ways
8- be the person that somebody will never forget
9- drive across America
10- learn how to drive an automatic
11- ride an elephant
12- love somebody
13- leave an HUGE tip for a random server
14- be able to do the scorpion yoga pose
15- to officiate a gay or lesbian wedding on US capitol building grounds

Kid's say the darnedest things...

A typical cliche blog about the sh*t my students have said to me.

6:
Student: "Kala Teacha I buy you candy."
Me: "Thank you! Where is it?"
Student: "I ate it."

5:
I went to school with mis matching socks.
Student: "Kala Teacher you're a fashion terrorist!"

4:
After showing my class a picture of LeBron James
Student: "Your brother?"
Me: "No"
Student: "Yes, you have same skin."
Me: "All black people are not related"
Student: "Yes huh! You have same dad."

3:
After showing a picture of Chris Paul wearing a baseball hat
Me: "What is he wearing?"
Student: "A black face."

2:
Student: "Why do you have spots?"
Me: "They are freckles and I was born this way."
Student: "No, spots, like dog."

1:
Student: "Teacher, perm-a?"
Me: "No, natural"
Student (under his breath as he walks away): "Liar."

Teaching Pet Peeves

While I do enjoy teaching as a now job, there are a few things that I have encountered that really irk me.


#1 Finding a decent side of your chalk that will actually make a legible mark on the chalk board. I can't stand being in the middle of a lesson and trying to write something on the board and having the chalk produce some scrawny dashed line that nobody can read, it kills that moment of emphasis and it isn't ever a quick fix, usually I must rotate and try the chalk multiple times before I can find the good side and by that time the moment is gone.

#2 Chalk boards in general. After 6 periods of using the chalk board my hands  look ashy and my clothes look like I rolled around in a pile of dust.

#3 Having 15 different white board markers and NONE of them work. I swear there must be a school boogey man who spends all night wasting the ink in my markers. It is sad that when I find a working marker I feel the same excitement a child does on Christmas.

#4 Those moments when you are in the middle of punishing or scolding a student and they say something that makes you want to laugh.

Example: One of my students was extra talkative in class.

His first inturruption I just caught his eye and gave him the shhhhh sign

His second inturruption I said " _____ stop speaking in Korean and listen please."

His thrid inturruption I said loudly "_____ didn't I ask you to stop talking?!?"

His response, "Yes but I speak-y in ENGLISH! You say Korean tee-cha."

I had to keep a straight face, if I would have laughed all my credibility would have went down the drain. 

#5 Copies. I might single handedly be responsible for  deforestation in Korea. Somewhere between figuring out how many copies of papers I will need for my classes and the actual copying of them I end up with a stack of extras comprable to the thickness of a textbook. There are only so many "arts and crafts" components I can throw in my lessons to cover this up...obviously I wasn't a math major.

#6 Teaching in slippers. Here in Korea you do not wear your outside shoes inside of most places including here at school so teachers and students alike wear inside shoes usually some form of slippers. I wear a pair of knock off Adidas pre-game slippers, the ones with the one thick strap across the top of your foot. The slippers bother me  for two reasons. The first because I find myself somehow managing to kick them off of my foot as I walk. A few times I have even managed to accidentally launch my slippers at my students, which they find absolutely hilarious and I find frightening because I am afraid one day I am going to take a student's eye out with it (There might or might not have been a few times I have hit or almost hit a student and wasn't entirely apologetic about it). The second reason they bother me is because they make it very hard to take any male at work seriously. The male teachers here come to school dressed in full on business suits and give up their shiny dress shoes at the door for slide on slippers. It is impossible not to chuckle the first few times you see a man in a suit with slippers...and for me it is impossible not to chuckle EVERY single time I see this. When ever I am around the Principal, Vice Principal or any of the male teachers I am usually suppressing a giggle while attempting to keep my professional disposition present, not easy at all.

#7 (this is a LOVE/HATE relationship) Candy. Imagine a crack addict being stripped of his pipe. Candy to my students is like crack to a crack addict. If I mention giving candy for anything such as participation all of a sudden EVERYBODY knows the answer. If it is for the winning team in one of the class games you would think we were in game 7 of the NBA playoffs with a rivalry as deep as the Celtics and Lakers. My students get cut throat. Today's game required one person from each team to run to the board to read a sentence that they then had to run back and  dictate to their team. During one of the sprints to the front the littlest girl in the 6th grade (by littlest I mean shortest and thinnest) chucked a fellow classmate into the desks just to beat him to the front of the room. Candy changes students, before today she was always timid and shy but at the mention of candy she became this vicious little fighter ready to kill anybody that tried to get in her way of winning.

#8 Gangnam style. You think this has nothing to do with teaching, but it does. If another student shouts "Heyyyyy Sexy Lady!!" At me in the hallway as I walk by I just might lose my marbles. I feel like I am back at home where the only pick up line guys seem to know is "Hey Ma." Redundancy is annoying in any country at any age. I just might hold a class period on HOW to talk to women in ways that are affective because it seems like men all over the world are pretty damn clueless.

#CHEERS2MYFIRST9TO5

Accidentally getting fresh with one of my students...

Today was Wrap up day for my 5th graders. Wrap Up day always consists of a quick review in the textbook and then games, my kids love Wrap Up day. Today we played my modified version of tic tac toe. Each pair of students had a set of dice. On one of the die the faces had locations on them. On the other die the faces had actions that pertained to the previous lessons on them. The students had to roll the dice and then form sentences with the faces that they rolled. For example if student 1 rolled the dice and got:

They would then form the sentence, "May I play soccer in the museum?" and student 2 would either answer "Yes you may" if the action and location were a possible pair or "No you may not" if they, as in this case, were not. If they rolled a possible pair they then were allowed to draw an X or and O on their grid.

After explaining the game I called a student up to the front of the class to help me demonstrate. The student I called up is one of my more enjoyable students. He isn't particularly well-behaved or the best English speaker but he isn't afraid to participate, usually has something absolutely absurd and funny to say, speaks loudly (pretty much yells most of the time) and doesn't mind being my guinea pig. Lets call him Tom. So Tom and I start by playing rock paper scissors to see who went first. I won (of course!), so I rolled.

Me: "May I take pictures in your room?"

The class giggled and my student gave me a strange look. I thought he didn't understand me so I asked again.

Me: "May I take pictures in your room?"

The giggling got louder and again he said nothing...

Me: "Do you understand the game?
Tom: "Yes."
Me: "Okay, please answer, May I take pictures in your room?"
Tom: "NOOOOOOO YOU MAY NOT TEACH-A, EWWW KALA TEACH-A YOU BAD!!"

My class started was roaring with laughter now, I was confused. I had no idea what was so funny and wrong with that scenario...then it hit me,

I just ask my student if I could take pictures in his room.

#CHEERS2GETTINGTURNEDDOWNBYA11YEAROLD

Why you must have thick skin to be a teacher.

This week was "Comparisons Week" in my 6th grade classes. I (along with my co-teacher) taught the kids how to properly use adjectives to make comparisons between people, objects and animals. For example, I am faster than you or an elephant is bigger than a rabbit. We had various activities and games that emphasized the use of comparisons in reading, writing and the most memorable, speaking. After a quick PowerPoint review of the last lesson with my students I asked them to compare my co-teacher and myself which turned out to be a big mistake. My co-teacher is small for a Korean women, who are already small people. To put it simply she is VERY, VERY petite. Back at home I am of average height/weight but here I am something similar to Godzilla. So my co-teacher and myself stood in front of the each class together to allow the students to see us side by side. The activity went very well in most of my classes, they enjoyed applying what they had learned in an on the spot situation. But then came THE class. Every teacher has the class. What is the class one who is not a teacher might ask? Well it is a class that just might have been spawned from the devil himself. The class could have a number of the following traits

1-Sometimes they are so quiet you question if they are even alive
2- They look through you not at you
3-They feel as if they have something better to do than sit through your lecture
4- The kids can be just BONKERS, like they ate a box of Frosted Flakes with chocolate milk type of  BONKERS
5- Manners do not exist. Neither do inside voices, shouting is the only form of communication
6- Rules? you couldn't be sure if they have ever even heard of them
7- Smart-mouths are more common than not
8- The fact that you have a college degree and many years on them means nothing, they still know more.
9- They consciously attempt to test your patience in every way possible
10- Being difficult is all they know

The class is the reason new discipline and participation strategies are conceived and where they are tested.

Well during  the class in the beginning I wasn't sure if they were even awake. But as soon as I asked them to compare ____ teacher and myself they suddenly came to life, so eager to give their comparisons you might have believed I shot them up with pure sugar, they were climbing all over each other falling out of their chairs in desperation to be called on. The first comparisons were similar to those in all my classes.....

"Kala teacher is taller than ___ teacher."
"Kala teacher is stronger than ___ teacher."
"____teacher is shorter than Kala teacher."
 "____teacher has longer hair than Kala teacher."

But then the students got creative and more excited, hand raising went out of the window and yelling began..

 "____teacher is WHITER than Kala teacher."
 "Kala teacher is BLACKER than ___ teacher."
"____ teacher is OLDER than  Kala teacher."

and the icing on the cake and the loudest shout...

"Kala teacher is MORE FAT than ___ teacher."

First, I went bell ringing crazy to regain order in the class,  after I managed to settle everybody down  I corrected his English, "Kala teacher is FATTER than ___ teacher," and moved on. Were my feelings hurt? Not at all, but I didn't want to see what else these little demons could come up with. They weren't speaking out of malice, their vocabulary only goes so far and fat just happens to be apart of it. But even at the sake of our feelings my co-teacher and I could not really complain because at least they were speaking English.

#CHEERS2HAVINGTHICKSKIN

****follow up: After speaking to other teachers of the same grades I am pleased to say my students are angels in comparison to the stories that they have told me.