Alone but NOT lonely

"Do you have a boyfriend?"  The most common question asked to me since moving to Korea. But what is worse than being asked that question frequently is the response I get when I say no.

Korea is the land of couples. Foreigners and Koreans alike. It is as if people move here an immediately seek out companionship and those that grow up here latch on to another as soon as they hit dating age. 

I find that Korea has somehow found away to devalue the glory of being single.  Unlike back home, people here (Koreans and non Koreans) express pity towards me when they find out I am single, often offering to set me up on dates or wanting to go out with me so they can help me meet somebody special. When did being single go out of style? At first, I was fine having the "I'm single" conversation but the unwanted pity, advice and questions prying into my personal life have begun to irritate me.

Responses from people when they find out I am single                           What respond with in my mind
"Oh, no boyfriend. so sad, are you lonely?"                                                -No I have this person who                                                                                                                                                      is always around, myself.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"                                                             -I think they ran out of my size

 "But you're pretty"                                                                                         -And that matters...how?


Something about living in Korea has given people the belief that being single is only being half of a person and that you NEED somebody to make you complete.

I am not against relationships or falling in love. My last relationship was great and I do not harbor any negative feelings even though it has ended. I am not that bitter person who hates love and anything of the sort because things didn't work out for me. In fact, I am in love. I love being single.

There is nothing negative about being single. Being single allows me the freedom to do what I want when I want to. I do not have to consider another's feelings or preferences in any of my decisions.  If I want to spend all of Sunday unshowered, in my pajamas, eating ice cream out of the carton or go out drinking and partying all night long, there is nothing stopping me. I can spend hours exercising, watching sports, reading books, lying in bed doing nothing with out worrying about sharing my free time with another. Being single has never once held me back, rather it has been beneficial. I often think, if I were in a relationship before I had come to Korea, would I still have made the move?

Being single also make it 100 percent okay for me to be selfish and think about MY wants, MY needs and MY desires. Once a person gets in a relationship you lose that, you begin putting the other before yourself. Your wants, your needs and your desires become THEIR wants, THEIR needs and THEIR desires. And at the age of 24, there is no way in hell I am ready to do that.

I get asked often if I ever get lonely. No, never. Not once. Not a single day of my life. Lonely? I LOVE being alone. I probably love it more than is healthy.  I never feel the need for companionship. If I want to do something and none of my friends want to go, then I will go alone. I have traveled the world, gone to concerts, movies, theme parks, sporting events, festivals and a variety of other things by myself and have never once felt lonely or any self pity.

I know there are those that are reading and thinking that something along the line of  "I don't know what I am missing," or "that when you find the one, nothing else is better" and yes, I believe that completely, but I am not ready to give up what I have now. If the day comes when Shemar Moore or Daniel Henney realize that I am the one for them, I will welcome it with open arms. But until then, I am going to continue on happily, alone BUT definitely not lonely.


#CHEERS2BEINGSINGLE

Boracay

My 10 days in Boracay feel surreal now as I am sitting at my desk back in Korea. As I begin to write I can only hope that I am able to capture and explain adequately the marvelous and life changing experience that I had while I was there.

I arrived on the island midday well rested and ready to begin my adventure. I briefly stopped at my hotel to drop off my luggage and then set out. I walked the length of the beach and was in compete awe. Here I was for 10 days in a literal paradise. It was the perfect mixture of old and new, local and tourist. A little over my first hour on the island I met a group of locals who I ended up spending much of my vacation with.

I first approached their shop purely out of curiosity. They were selling jewelery that had crocodile teeth, dried bird heads, monkey skulls ext. for pendants. It was a sight to see. Although strange, the jewelery was BEAUTIFUL. Out of the shop walked a girl with the most beautiful henna tattoo on here leg, immediately I decided that I wanted one. I approached the artist and asked him  how much it would cost for me to get one, 500 pesos. Naturally me being stubborn, I bargained the price down to 200 pesos and a beer.

My henna tattoo turned out gorgeous. He freestyled a tribal design that started on my shoulder and crept down to my bicep. But my 200 pesos and beer bought me more than just a temporary tattoo, it also left me with a new outlook on life.

Carpe Diem, Pura Vida, Don't Worry Be happy, Life Goes On are just a few of the many different quotes and sayings that people try to live by. For me, I have always lived by two words, "Why not?" On a school trip in Europe, why not ditch the group and do my own thing? My first college was planning on cutting down a historical tree, why not join the hippies and tie myself to it? Why not take a spontaneous trip up the coast of California the day before Mother's Day and STILL manage to make it back home before the annual brunch?  Close friend is living in Spain, why not on a whim go visit for a week? Why not dance like I am possessed by the DJ?  Fall in love with a guy who is moving permanently to Thailand, why not move there as well?  Things don't work out, why not pick up and move to Korea instead? Why not jump off of a 15 meter cliff? The list of why nots goes on for me. I do not let fear or doubts stop me. Why not do whatever I want? It is my one and only life I see no reason to set limitations.

The locals in Boracay have their own view on life, The Simple Life. When this first came up in conversation I couldn't wrap my mind around it entirely. I am a big city girl who comes from a world that is defined by wealth, education and status. A world where people are constantly trying to get ahead or fighting to keep up. A world where material objects, who you know, where you live and what you do all are major players in people's lives. A world where everyday I stress on trying to figure how I will become not only a competitor but winner in.

 The Simple Life hosts an entirely different concept. There isn't any hierarchical status based on wealth or education. There isn't any competition between the people to get ahead or stay ahead of one another. You are not defined by what or how much you have but rather what kind of person you are.The main objective? To be happy. And there they were, just happy with what they had. They didn't strive to be rich or to have the nicest things, all they needed was enough to survive. They were the richest people I had ever met.

Everyday I spent with them opened my eyes up a bit more. When we would eat, they would pay (as much as I would allow), not because they had more money than me (they did not) but because they could. They did for me, a stranger...somebody they had just met, simply because they could.They didn't need any other reason, they could do it so they didn't see why they shouldn't. If somebody came around their shop looking to get a tattoo but wanted to compare artists, they would tell them who else they should see. There was not any competition to keep the customer or profits to themselves, helping others prosper was more important. If somebody wanted to take photos with their products they let them with no animosity, even if it was obvious the people had no intention to buy. They felt it more important to give the people a good memento of their time in Boracay than to fuss over a purchase.  It was here I learned  the true definition of selflessness and it was here I learned the true definition of happiness.

I was a happy person before Boracay but after spending time there I rethought my reasons for happiness. The locals in Boracay were happy for reasons that could not be stripped from them by others. They were alive, breathing, had each other and enough to get by. These things were the reason for their happiness, things that were not materialistic and things that ultimately really matter in life. Was I happy for those reasons too? Or was my happiness because I am well paid, have a nice apartment and am able to afford finer things? I do not think there is anything wrong with being happy for these reasons but if I lost them, would I still be able to be happy? Or had I allowed myself to rely completely on these?

I could never be sure of my reasons for happiness before but I have embodied the concepts of this Simple Life. I now solely happy because I am able, able to live, able to breathe, able to love, able to give, able to receive and able to do. I now realize the importance of appreciating what is important and I owe it all to my new friends, you have opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. Thank you John Art, Nonoy, Ronnie and the rest of Mari Tattoo for showing me the real meaning of life, Mahal Kita.



#CHEERS2REALREASONSTOBEHAPPY



if anybody goes to Boracay visit my friends at Mari Tattoo!

loooking for sunshinee!

You always hear that places with sunshine and warm weather breed happier people, I never understood why or how the weather could effect somebody's happiness. I have always believed that happiness is something that is on the inside, you're happy because you decide to be happy and whether or not somebody or something can tamper this is decided by you.

And then the temperature dropped.

I didn't realize that I was depressed until yesterday. (I only call it depressed for a lack of a better term. In no way do I want to cause harm to myself, hate my life (I LOVE MY LIFE) or anything to the extreme like that.) Right now I find complete satisfaction in spending my nights alone, lying on my heated floors watching Breaking Bad. That big ball of sunshine that I usually infuse a room with (ball of sunshine = over the top personality) has sizzled out. Interacting with people has become a chore. The thought of going out exhausts me. I used to be this big social butterfly, according to my dad  I "couldn't miss any event," which was true. Being among people is my calling, getting out, socializing, dressing up, making friends, all of those are things that I LOVE to do. But lately the furthest I make it is the gym (NOTHING, not even a Zombie apocalypse, will ever get in the way of this), where after I immediately go home and continue to submerge myself in the life of a high school chem teacher gone king pin drug lord.

And with temperature drops the amount of clothes I wear has gone up.

I am not known for being modest when it comes to dressing. I always keep it classy  but I workout to maintain my body so of course I wore and will always wear clothes that flaunt this. Living in a year round summer made it easy to do this.. shorts, skirts, tank tops and the occasional cute jacket when needed. But today and for the rest of the winter I will be the big, tall, round, red headed American in the purple winter coat. And even after I shed the winter coat I am beginning to layer so much under my regular clothes I look like I could possibly be with child, smuggling two thanksgiving hams in my jeans and at the same time making serious attempts to compete with Nicky Minaj in a "who has the biggest rump" competition.

All in all, as the temperature continues to drop so does the space on my hard drive. After I finish Breaking Bad I have a list a mile long of other shows I am planning on consuming and I am open for any suggestions:) !

CHEERS2FINDINGMYINNERSHINEAGAIN

Hello Gimpo, Korea

I have finally arrived at my new home, Gimpo, Korea and to say the least and speaking less than a week in, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. Upon arriving in Korea I have witnessed a country that is in the middle of modernizing itself. Infrastructure is being rebuilt, bridges, buildings, schools, roads ext.... are all under construction or have been reconstructed into beautiful architectural pieces. The atmosphere of the people is intoxicating. Between being extremely proud of who they are and what they have become, they are also very kind and thankful for the thousands of foreign teachers that are in their country helping them. I have been given free fruit, people have been patient with me and my "western ways" and my co-teachers and other fellow teachers have warmly opened their arms to me ensuring that I am comfortable, safe and able to get out of my apartment and around the city. My apartment is a studio, small but cozy, in a great building with all western teachers from all over the place. My bed is my only complaint. It is hard, I almost rather sleep on a rock! But other than that, I have no complaints.  A woman from South Africa has kindly taken me under her wing a little bit and has shown me around and she lives just across the alley. My next door neighbor is this Englishman, who off the bat was awesome. A complete type A personality and took me partying my first weekend, my kind of guy! I have met many other westerners on the street, we have ( I am just becoming familiar with it) our own little tight knit community, everybody takes care of each other, something my Mom would be pleased to hear. But as of now I must go. More once I obtain internet.

#CHEERS2KOREA

Moving On

“Well, now

If little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you

Little by little

If suddenly you forget me

Do not look for me

For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life

And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots

Remember

That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms

And my roots will set off to seek another land”  -Pablo Neruda

If you asked me what I would be doing now 6 months ago my answer would have been, in love with ____ ( i'll spare him) teaching in ____ country (obviously with hewhomustnotbenamed) and living happily ever after. Ask me now what I am doing and it is moving alone to South Korea, still to teach but nowhere near where I thought I would be. It is funny how things change so quickly and so fast. How although you can have your mind set on one goal, one person or one thing and in the blink of an eye it can all change. My Mom on multiple occasions has recited the quote "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince," and because of her I have been extremely cautious of these frogs in my short life. I have witnessed what they (the "frogs") do to people, how they can build one person so high up and then destroy that same base and leave them crumbling to the ground without any regards or care as to what happens to that other person. But I too let my guard down and allowed myself to succumb to these false lies, promises and dreams that were told to me. I too allowed myself to live in a fairytale of happy endings and joy to instead be dropped like a bad habit and through this experience I have learned it is not WHAT happens to you but rather it is HOW you deal with it all, the pain, the hurt, the deceit and even the happiness and good times, how do you take these and apply them to yourself and who you are? Do you learn from it and take these experiences and make yourself a stronger person? Or do you allow yourself to wallow in self pity? For me myself, I have taken my pain, pain that still somewhat resides, and have decided to move on with my life to discover the good that I know the world has, whether it be the love the fairy tales speak of, the success we all dream of achieving, the content that many spiritual leaders have displayed or whatever else our hearts desire, I am on a mission to find.

So with that, it is official, I leave August 30th for my new life/journey.

#CHEERS2MOVINGON

getting TESOL certified

Last weekend was my first 2 classes (of 6) of my TESOL course and to say the least, I LOVE IT. First of all my professor is awesome. He is a big man who is full of personality! His love for teaching English pretty much OOOZES out of him as he teaches us. He is getting me very excited and anxious to begin :)! The material in the class interests me which is a first for school and I honestly am beginning to believe this is the job that I will wake up every morning excited to go to. Although I am on 1/3 of the way through my class, I feel that with this and my experience coaching, I will be more than prepared to tackle my own class room! Counting down the days:)

#CHEERS2mylastmonth

The beginning...

“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.”- Beryl Markham, West with the Night

And this is exactly what I am doing. In less than a month I am leaving everything that I know and love and am moving to Gimpo, South Korea to teach English. As of now I am not sure how I feel. Living and teaching abroad has been something that I have wanted to do for many years but now that it is finally actually here I have become a ball of mixed emotions and those that know me know that I can be emotional. I am excited of course for the journey that I am about to pursue but at the same time I am terrified. Terrified to be alone, terrified to leave my home, terrified of what is to come. But then I am happy, how many people take this risk and uproot and move abroad, start over, immerse themselves in a new life?  But my happiness is accompanied with sadness, specifically sad because I am going to be with out those that I love the most, I will miss family gatherings, "beff-friend" bonding, my nephew learning to drive, my niece starting middle school, my mom taking down the corrupt employees of the  SUHSD, talking basketball with my dad, spending time with my sisters.. the list goes on and on... But I am going to do this, despite my fear and sadness I know that ultimately this is what I want most. 

#Cheers2NewBeginnings.