Alone but NOT lonely

"Do you have a boyfriend?"  The most common question asked to me since moving to Korea. But what is worse than being asked that question frequently is the response I get when I say no.

Korea is the land of couples. Foreigners and Koreans alike. It is as if people move here an immediately seek out companionship and those that grow up here latch on to another as soon as they hit dating age. 

I find that Korea has somehow found away to devalue the glory of being single.  Unlike back home, people here (Koreans and non Koreans) express pity towards me when they find out I am single, often offering to set me up on dates or wanting to go out with me so they can help me meet somebody special. When did being single go out of style? At first, I was fine having the "I'm single" conversation but the unwanted pity, advice and questions prying into my personal life have begun to irritate me.

Responses from people when they find out I am single                           What respond with in my mind
"Oh, no boyfriend. so sad, are you lonely?"                                                -No I have this person who                                                                                                                                                      is always around, myself.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"                                                             -I think they ran out of my size

 "But you're pretty"                                                                                         -And that matters...how?


Something about living in Korea has given people the belief that being single is only being half of a person and that you NEED somebody to make you complete.

I am not against relationships or falling in love. My last relationship was great and I do not harbor any negative feelings even though it has ended. I am not that bitter person who hates love and anything of the sort because things didn't work out for me. In fact, I am in love. I love being single.

There is nothing negative about being single. Being single allows me the freedom to do what I want when I want to. I do not have to consider another's feelings or preferences in any of my decisions.  If I want to spend all of Sunday unshowered, in my pajamas, eating ice cream out of the carton or go out drinking and partying all night long, there is nothing stopping me. I can spend hours exercising, watching sports, reading books, lying in bed doing nothing with out worrying about sharing my free time with another. Being single has never once held me back, rather it has been beneficial. I often think, if I were in a relationship before I had come to Korea, would I still have made the move?

Being single also make it 100 percent okay for me to be selfish and think about MY wants, MY needs and MY desires. Once a person gets in a relationship you lose that, you begin putting the other before yourself. Your wants, your needs and your desires become THEIR wants, THEIR needs and THEIR desires. And at the age of 24, there is no way in hell I am ready to do that.

I get asked often if I ever get lonely. No, never. Not once. Not a single day of my life. Lonely? I LOVE being alone. I probably love it more than is healthy.  I never feel the need for companionship. If I want to do something and none of my friends want to go, then I will go alone. I have traveled the world, gone to concerts, movies, theme parks, sporting events, festivals and a variety of other things by myself and have never once felt lonely or any self pity.

I know there are those that are reading and thinking that something along the line of  "I don't know what I am missing," or "that when you find the one, nothing else is better" and yes, I believe that completely, but I am not ready to give up what I have now. If the day comes when Shemar Moore or Daniel Henney realize that I am the one for them, I will welcome it with open arms. But until then, I am going to continue on happily, alone BUT definitely not lonely.


#CHEERS2BEINGSINGLE

Boracay

My 10 days in Boracay feel surreal now as I am sitting at my desk back in Korea. As I begin to write I can only hope that I am able to capture and explain adequately the marvelous and life changing experience that I had while I was there.

I arrived on the island midday well rested and ready to begin my adventure. I briefly stopped at my hotel to drop off my luggage and then set out. I walked the length of the beach and was in compete awe. Here I was for 10 days in a literal paradise. It was the perfect mixture of old and new, local and tourist. A little over my first hour on the island I met a group of locals who I ended up spending much of my vacation with.

I first approached their shop purely out of curiosity. They were selling jewelery that had crocodile teeth, dried bird heads, monkey skulls ext. for pendants. It was a sight to see. Although strange, the jewelery was BEAUTIFUL. Out of the shop walked a girl with the most beautiful henna tattoo on here leg, immediately I decided that I wanted one. I approached the artist and asked him  how much it would cost for me to get one, 500 pesos. Naturally me being stubborn, I bargained the price down to 200 pesos and a beer.

My henna tattoo turned out gorgeous. He freestyled a tribal design that started on my shoulder and crept down to my bicep. But my 200 pesos and beer bought me more than just a temporary tattoo, it also left me with a new outlook on life.

Carpe Diem, Pura Vida, Don't Worry Be happy, Life Goes On are just a few of the many different quotes and sayings that people try to live by. For me, I have always lived by two words, "Why not?" On a school trip in Europe, why not ditch the group and do my own thing? My first college was planning on cutting down a historical tree, why not join the hippies and tie myself to it? Why not take a spontaneous trip up the coast of California the day before Mother's Day and STILL manage to make it back home before the annual brunch?  Close friend is living in Spain, why not on a whim go visit for a week? Why not dance like I am possessed by the DJ?  Fall in love with a guy who is moving permanently to Thailand, why not move there as well?  Things don't work out, why not pick up and move to Korea instead? Why not jump off of a 15 meter cliff? The list of why nots goes on for me. I do not let fear or doubts stop me. Why not do whatever I want? It is my one and only life I see no reason to set limitations.

The locals in Boracay have their own view on life, The Simple Life. When this first came up in conversation I couldn't wrap my mind around it entirely. I am a big city girl who comes from a world that is defined by wealth, education and status. A world where people are constantly trying to get ahead or fighting to keep up. A world where material objects, who you know, where you live and what you do all are major players in people's lives. A world where everyday I stress on trying to figure how I will become not only a competitor but winner in.

 The Simple Life hosts an entirely different concept. There isn't any hierarchical status based on wealth or education. There isn't any competition between the people to get ahead or stay ahead of one another. You are not defined by what or how much you have but rather what kind of person you are.The main objective? To be happy. And there they were, just happy with what they had. They didn't strive to be rich or to have the nicest things, all they needed was enough to survive. They were the richest people I had ever met.

Everyday I spent with them opened my eyes up a bit more. When we would eat, they would pay (as much as I would allow), not because they had more money than me (they did not) but because they could. They did for me, a stranger...somebody they had just met, simply because they could.They didn't need any other reason, they could do it so they didn't see why they shouldn't. If somebody came around their shop looking to get a tattoo but wanted to compare artists, they would tell them who else they should see. There was not any competition to keep the customer or profits to themselves, helping others prosper was more important. If somebody wanted to take photos with their products they let them with no animosity, even if it was obvious the people had no intention to buy. They felt it more important to give the people a good memento of their time in Boracay than to fuss over a purchase.  It was here I learned  the true definition of selflessness and it was here I learned the true definition of happiness.

I was a happy person before Boracay but after spending time there I rethought my reasons for happiness. The locals in Boracay were happy for reasons that could not be stripped from them by others. They were alive, breathing, had each other and enough to get by. These things were the reason for their happiness, things that were not materialistic and things that ultimately really matter in life. Was I happy for those reasons too? Or was my happiness because I am well paid, have a nice apartment and am able to afford finer things? I do not think there is anything wrong with being happy for these reasons but if I lost them, would I still be able to be happy? Or had I allowed myself to rely completely on these?

I could never be sure of my reasons for happiness before but I have embodied the concepts of this Simple Life. I now solely happy because I am able, able to live, able to breathe, able to love, able to give, able to receive and able to do. I now realize the importance of appreciating what is important and I owe it all to my new friends, you have opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. Thank you John Art, Nonoy, Ronnie and the rest of Mari Tattoo for showing me the real meaning of life, Mahal Kita.



#CHEERS2REALREASONSTOBEHAPPY



if anybody goes to Boracay visit my friends at Mari Tattoo!

Korean Men

Anybody that has lived in Korea knows that I could conclude this blog with one word, BEAUTIFUL.
Up until probably the day that I left San Diego to move here I was still torn on whether Korea was really the country that I wanted to teach in. I was debating between Thailand and Korea for months on end but the moment I was set to board my plane in San Francisco on a direct flight to Seoul I knew I had made the right decision because standing at the gates checking tickets was the most attractive man I had ever seen, (He has been trumped quite a few times since I have been here). He was none other than of Korean decent and the beginning of my slight obsession.

I have a natural attraction to Asian men. I am not sure exactly why, it could be because I grew up in a community highly concentrated with Asians or maybe I was influenced by all of the Asian cartoons and Asian martial arts movies I watched as a child but something has drawn me to favor them over other races. And upon moving here, Korean men have quickly ascended to the top as my specific flavor of choice.

In my eyes Korean men have the advantage over other Asian races for  3 reasons. 
1- they are on average, taller.
2-they have AMAZING hair (if i have a Korean baby that child will be blessed)
3- and many of them have thick thighs (this is the icing on the cake).

Sometimes when I am out I feel as if I am dreaming. Everywhere I turn I am surrounded by  K-POP star look-a-likes (photo examples are the end of the blog). Not only are they endowed with flawless faces and messy but yet some how perfectly styled hair, Korean men have impeccable style. From the tailored business suit wearing men who go against the traditional black shiny shoes and wear matte brown to the "I just threw this together but somehow STILL look runway ready" to the "I wear bright colored Nikes with every outfit and yet STILL make it fashionable" or whatever their style may be, someway or another they always look good. I am constantly getting caught by my friends eye raping every Korean male in my vicinity or getting left behind because I was distracted by a man who we had just walked passed. But even after all the admiration I have yet and probably will never make a move.

If somebody was asked to describe me, the last word out of their mouth would be shy. Before coming to Korea I had not been shy a single day in my life, especially when it came to men. That was easy, being turned down did not frighten me, I knew it wouldn't kill me so I didn't fear it. But here in Korea, I still know it won't kill me but I am complete incapable of functioning. Around Korean men I am like a school girl, the simplest things out of their mouths make me blush furiously. I don't care if it is just our waiter taking an order or somebody ringing me up at the convenience store, my brain goes to mush. Maybe its the perfect swoop in their hair or the disappearing eyes when they smile or the fact that they may or may not speak English,  whatever it is something there intimidates me.

So here I am living in my ideal world, in my ideal situation (surrounded by men who I am attracted to) unable to gather enough guts to do anything.

#CHEERS2BEINGCHICKENSHIT
 


PS: after a little liquid courage I was finally able to make a move ^^

PICTURES:)

Just a couple of photos of my life so far! :)

A example of what my everyday work wear looks like.

My own DIY (do it yourself) project! Now my jewelry hangs neatly on the inside of my wardrobe. :)

I have the greatest parents, they sent me a package and stocked my cabinet with American spices, hot sauce, protein bars and whole wheat products!

A snapshot of Seoul! It's such a beautiful city right??

More pictures to come:)